Photo credit: Andrew Moca (Unsplash)
I write about MBF Kate because I’ve been thinking lately about the role that Sounds Good/Good Memories has in helping to form and nurture friendships, and the cultural value that reflects.
Friendships are so important. And it becomes more difficult to make and sustain friendships as we age. We’re no longer in a workplace every day, our children’s lives and activities no longer draw us into the community, our longtime friends have moved or become ill or died. Yet the benefits of friendships are worth the effort that it takes to make new friends and tend the relationships that we have.
I recently read an article from Innovation in Aging, a journal published by the Gerontological Society of America, summarizing some of the research on the benefits of friendships in older adults. I was struck by several of their findings, including:
–although relationships with spouses tended to have the strongest association with mental health, ties with friends showed stronger associations with mental health than those with other relatives.
–the advantages of late adulthood friendship reach beyond psychological well-being. Research shows that relational closeness and social support are also important for maintaining cognitive functioning and physical health as we age.
–friend ties alleviate loneliness, offer emotional support, and provide companionship through mutual interests and shared activities. The feelings of connectedness that these aspects of friendship convey give meaning to older adults’ lives, which is important for well-being.
Jonathan often refers to me as the “keeper of the culture” of Sounds Good; I’m the one who speaks more often about the values of our organization and asks questions like, “Aside from singing, what else is happening when we all get together each week?, Are we doing enough to create community?, Can we do more? How can we take better care of our singers and staff?”
So I’m curious for your thoughts:
What role, if any, does Sounds Good/Good Memories play in facilitating relationships for you? How can we do a better job of making our choirs a place that’s welcoming and nurturing of friendships?
I came into Sounds Good, with one of my life-long friends (whom I dragged in). I also came with one of my fellow singers and added another fellow singer this year. I have not made “new” friends in my Choir. So, actually, Sounds Good doesn’t facilitate in any relationship for me. However, I feel it does well for my brain to be singing every week and I have learned so much from our conductor, Paul. I do think that planned events would help to welcome and nurture friendships. One choir member tried to arrange lunches before rehearsal, but she failed. Little to no one showed. But I think if we had formal lunches, dinners after concerts, gathering events that were created, people would come and get to know each other better. You used to do events like this in March, before COVID, and it was fun to meet other Sounds Good choir members from different areas. I used to be able to go to the Chicago event, but now we watch our grandson on Thursdays so I’m unable to attend. But there, I would meet former Kol Zimrah people and gather with them. In KZ, I made many friends but that’s because there was an ongoing push to gather for dinner before rehearsals, or go out after concerts for Dinners, and we were forced to meet each other. In fact, two of the SG singers came from the friendships I made in KZ. I joined SG because of a friendship from KZ.
In summary, planned luncheons, planned dinners after concerts, planned events would foster and nurture friendships. IF we had not had the Zoom meetings we had during COVID, I would not be friends with 6 of the people in SG today. We met every week, and we got to know each other. People lead busy lives, there’s no time after or before rehearsal to gather, it seems. But if it were “planned”, people would make the time. 🙂
I came to Willowbrook almost three years ago without any friends in the area. I came to be near family….but Sounds Good was like a
bird’s nest to a fallen robin. I met and made so many wonderful friends not only other sopranos but singers in all sections. I have even become a member of The Forest Girls, a group of singers that meets in the Maple Forest Preserve to visit and share stories and enjoy nature! These ladies have become the wings, voice , and heart I so needed! And Sounds Good made that all possible!
I met a new cousin & friend through Sounds Good that I did not know before rehearsals. We share a great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather. We greet each other at rehearsal with, “Good Morning Cuz”! Always fun to find another genealogist in the alto section.
I feel that warm-ups besides the musical ones add to building community and connecting. When Johnathon asks us to find someone in the room and share, “What gift did you receive this month, or tell your partner your goal for this month” it gives us time to reconnect with someone new.
There is a human bingo game that I have directed which gives humor, fun, and added awareness of each other. I would be glad to disseminate the bingo board with your co-creating with me, Sandy.
I have 8 new friends I would not have but for SG and Covid. We meet weekly in a forest preserve in the summers and bi-weekly for lunch during the “school year”. Not everyone comes to each of these meetings. If we don’t have a quorum (5 of the 9 of us) we reschedule the meeting. We also do things in 2s or 3s depending on interests. This group began as one of the call groups Jon set up at the beginning of Covid. I also have another friend I see from time to time outside of chorus whom I met when we were Encore Illinois, so that actually makes 9 friends from SG and its antecedent organization. I love this chorus and consider myself a “lifer”.
I am in my fifth year with the Sounds Good Choir (SG). I view SG as a place of learning similar to that of a commuter college. I have received excellent coaching from my former conductor Jonathan and my current conductor Daniel; however, the weekly rehearsals do not provide opportunities to form enduring friendship. Prior to the pandemic, SG had an all-day event in October and in March where I was able to share time with singers from my group and from other choral groups. Those events gave me a sense of connection to the SG organization as a whole.
Restarting such event would be excellent. Likewise, the chorus masters are in excellent position to create opportunities in bringing their group together as a community.