Although there’s no confusion, in my mind at least, about the importance of forgiveness, there seems to be quite a bit of confusion about the national acknowledgement of that. My internet search found a “National Forgiveness Week” in June, a “National Forgiveness Day” which seems to be either the 1st or the 27th of September, and a “National Forgiveness and Happiness Day” in October! Maybe our national day of recognition will get sorted out some time in the future, but meanwhile, the deacon in me loves to talk about forgiveness.
Forgiveness means different things to different people, and there is a common misunderstanding about forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger.
Humans have evolved to be social beings. Our very survival depends on living in groups, such as families or communities. Being in relationships with others enhances our safety and ability to thrive, but it also will inevitably result in conflict—hopefully not too often. We seem to have a myriad of ways to hurt each other, intentionally or not. And when we suffer the results of that hurt, with feelings like sadness, betrayal, and anger, probably the last thing we want to hear is a suggestion that we forgive.
That’s where the misunderstanding about forgiveness enters. Many of us feel that saying, “You hurt me, and I forgive you” negates the terrible thing that was done to us and lets the perpetrator off the hook.
But forgiveness has little to do with them and everything to do with us, and our feelings.
Holding onto negative feelings allows the person who hurt you to continue to exercise power over you. It’s almost as if the original hurt happens over and over again. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to have in your life.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you. That action might always be with you. But it can result in lessening the grip that action has on you. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that allows you to focus on yourself and helps you go on with life and it might even lead to feelings of understanding and empathy for the one who hurt you.
According to researchers at Johns Hopkins Medical Center, “Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress. Research also points to an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as you age. Follow this link to learn more.
Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. But even if you tend to hold a grudge, almost anyone can learn to be more forgiving.
Recognize the there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. The restoration of the relationship is not the goal of forgiveness. It’s about not letting someone else have power over your life. Forgiveness can change your life by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing.
So, I started out thinking that National Days of Forgiveness in June, September, and October might just be a few too many, but maybe it would actually be a good idea to have a few more!
If you want to read more about forgiveness, as we say in Deacon-speak, I commend to you this article on the Mayo Clinic’s website.
Dear Sandy
How beautiful thoughts you are sharing with us today!
Thank you.
Yes, I agree with forgiveness and reconciliation is not the same.
I can forgive someone’s harm done to me, but that doesn’t mean reconciliation…relationship takes both parties ‘s intentions.
You are a blessing to me today, thank you again.
I would like the National Forgiveness Day every day.