“There is an epidemic of loneliness in the United States and lacking [social] connection can increase the risk for premature death to levels comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.”
“…the physical consequences of poor connection can be devastating, including a 29 percent increased risk of heart disease; a 32 percent increased risk of stroke; and a 50 percent increased risk of developing dementia for older adults.”
—U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy
Surgeon General’s Advisory Report, May 2023
When I came across these quotations by Murthy which focused on loneliness, I immediately thought about Good Memories, our choir for people with dementia, who sing with their care partners and our amazing volunteer singing-buddies. There’s nothing quite like a Good Memories choir rehearsal. It’s almost always one of the highlights of my week. As program director, I like to think that I attend rehearsals to help our volunteers and staff, and to pay attention to how we can continue to improve, in order to make Good Memories the best it can be. But the truth is that I attend because I’m crazy about our singers, volunteers, care partners, and staff, and because they’re fun to hang out with.
Our rehearsal begins with snacks and social time. Many of our singers arrive early because it gives them extra time for conversation and goodies, and time to reconnect with the friends they’ve made. I circulate, trying to check in with as many people as possible, and I find myself catching bits of the many conversations that occur, such as: “How was your visit with your son and his family?,” “Glad to hear that you’re feeling better this week—that respiratory stuff is really nasty,” “I’m really looking forward to that lecture at the Newberry on Thursday,” or “This was a really tough morning for us; I get so impatient with him.”
Good Memories is so much more than a singing group. The community that has been formed around the joy of making music together is also about things like friendship, support, laughter, and kindness. It’s a place where we all share the journey of dementia, whether it’s our own or that of others in the choir. It’s a safe space where we know that both the challenges and triumphs of that journey can be talked about and will be understood.
When Jonathan and I began Sounds Good in 2016, we were mostly focused on the musical experience of our singers: How do we make an amazing concert? How do we choose great repertoire? Where can we find professional conductors with just the right combination of skill and heart? Great singing, mastery of challenging music, and lots of fun were foremost in our thoughts.
The Good Memories program, which we started two years later, expanded our focus and priorities tremendously. We still had our eye on a quality musical experience, but as we met every week, as we shared food and stories of our lives, and as we found that some of our choir buddies had become valued friends, Jonathan and I began to realize how incredibly important was the sense of community developing in all of our choirs. It’s not unusual for us to hear, “This is one of the best parts of my week,” or “This is the only thing on my schedule that isn’t a doctor’s appointment,” or “Good thing I have Sounds Good or I’d stay home in my bathrobe all day.”
I often joke that our Good Memories singers will say in public that they come every week for the singing, but that the real story is that they come for the snacks! All joking aside, when I think about the recent report from our Surgeon General about the negative effects of loneliness, I’m so happy that we have both.
If you’re singing with us, you have already taken a big step by being part of our Sounds Good/Good Memories family, and by enjoying the social and brain-health benefits of singing together. What can you do to make our musical community stronger? Who can you reach out to between rehearsals? If connection is the “cure” for loneliness, you have the power to make lives better—those of others and your own, too.
I’d love to hear what you do this week.
I’ve become a bit of a Murthy fan. He’s incredibly open about his own struggles with loneliness and passionate about his belief that we can change the tragedy of isolation in our country. If you, like me, don’t have an entire morning to read his whole report, this is a good one-page summary to read. If you listen to podcasts, here’s Murthy in a great interview with Krista Tippet from her “On Being” podcast. I encourage you to reflect on these sections from the introduction to Murthy’s report:
“When I first took office as Surgeon General in 2014, I didn’t view loneliness as a public health concern. But that was before I embarked on a cross-country listening tour, where I heard stories from my fellow Americans that surprised me. People began to tell me they felt isolated, invisible, and insignificant. Even when they couldn’t put their finger on the word “lonely,” time and time again, people of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds, from every corner of the country, would tell me, “I have to shoulder all of life’s burdens by myself,” or “if I disappear tomorrow, no one will even notice.” It was a lightbulb moment for me: social disconnection was far more common than I had realized.
In the scientific literature, I found confirmation of what I was hearing. In recent years, about one-in-two adults in America reported experiencing loneliness. And that was before the COVID-19 pandemic cut off so many of us from friends, loved ones, and support systems, exacerbating loneliness and isolation. Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling—it harms both individual and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death. The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day,4 and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity. And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished.
Given the profound consequences of loneliness and isolation, we have an opportunity, and an obligation, to make the same investments in addressing social connection that we have made in addressing tobacco use, obesity, and the addiction crisis… If we fail to do so, we will pay an ever-increasing price in the form of our individual and collective health and well-being.
Each of us can start now, in our own lives, by strengthening our connections and relationships. Our individual relationships are an untapped resource—a source of healing hiding in plain sight. They can help us live healthier, more productive, and more fulfilled lives. Answer that phone call from a friend. Make time to share a meal. Listen without the distraction of your phone. Perform an act of service. Express yourself authentically. The keys to human connection are simple, but extraordinarily powerful…”
I really appreciate your perspective, Sandy and are so grateful that you and Jonathon founded Sounds Good and Good Memories choirs. My husband and I just attended our second rehearsal and we felt warmly welcomed and are enjoying the musicality of the conductors and accompanist, the repertoire, and of course, the singing. Thank you for your good works.